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Marshmalia (transcript)
(The episode begins with the fruit cart as a spaceship traveling through space) Orange: Captain's log of the U.S.S. Fruit''erprise:'' A fruit cart on a peaceful and weird mission to sell fruit throughout the galaxy. (the fruit's spaceship shakes and zaps, outside reveals a another ship shooting the the fruit's spaceship) Orange: Officers, report. Pear: Weapons systems are down! Passion Fruit: We can't outrun them! Orange: Maybe not, but we can do this: (tongue noises, explosion) Huh. I thought that would help. Grapefruit: We've lost another thruster! Orange: Engine room, what's going on? Nerville: (coughing) Everything's fine down here! There's a little bit of smoke. But besides that, everything's-- everything's fine. Coconut: Captain, we're getting a transmission tape thingy on the uh, picture maker. Commander Broccoli: This is Commander Broccoli of the starship Cruciferous. You cannot escape. Surrender, and I shall be merciful. Orange: Merciful? I thought you said your name was Broccoli. (laughs) Commander Broccoli: That's so stupid. I'm rescinding. You hear me? Rescinding! Orange: Can I call you "Rescindi" for short? (laughs) Commander Broccoli: Give up. You have until the count of ten. One... two... Orange: 19, seven, 86. Commander Broccoli: …87, 88. No, wait! (shrieking) Stop doing that! I lost count. Orange: Hey, hey, Commander Rescindi. Commander Broccoli: That's not my name, but what? Orange: Light speed. (laughs) I said, light speed. Guys, take us to light speed. Grapefruit: We don't have that. Orange: Warp speed? Passion Fruit: We don't have that, either. Orange: Fruit speed! Fruit speed! Pear: What's fruit speed? Orange: It's what I just did. (laughs) Commander Broccoli: Right, I'm destroying you now. Bye-bye. Veggies rule, et cetera. (the ship blast a ray at the fruit's spaceship and is about to crash onto an alien planet, inside Midget Apple is rolling around) Orange: Ensign Marshmallow, what's your outlook? Marshmallow: Sunny and mild with a 100% chance of rainbows and happiness. Whee! (the fruits scream, the spaceship crashes and tips over, the fruits are teleported outside to see where they are) Orange: Woah! Looks like we landed in some weird little girl's imagination. (the fruits hear something in a bush) Grapefruit: I don't like the looks of this. Pear: Just remember, we come in peace. (a pink bunny hops out of the bush) Orange: Ah! Alien monster! Set blasters to destroy! Passion Fruit: Orange, no! It's just a bunny. Orange: Oh. So, no blasters? Passion Fruit: Only if it has rabies. Intergalactic rules. Orange: Aw, drat. Once again, our federation's laws vex our innate desire to commit random acts of violence. Pear: Why do you sound so smart? Orange: I'm a starship captain. Can't you tell by these goofy uniforms? (laughs) Coconut: Hey, look, guys, a unicorn! Marshmallow: Pink bunnies, unicorns, a caramel lake and candy forest? This is no alien planet, this is my home! Orange: Huh? I thought you were from Detroit. Marshmallow: Yep, the city of Detroit on the planet Marshmalia. Yay! Nerville: (coughs) I did it! Orange: You fixed the engine? Nerville: No, I made this sweet lanyard out of the mainframe wiring. Orange: How does that help anything? Nerville: Dang it, Orange, I'm a fruit seller, not a doctor. Orange: What? Nerville: I inhaled a lot of engine smoke. Orange: That explains it. Now, get back in there and make her space-worthy. Nerville: The lanyard? Oh, right, the ship. Right! (the sound of a monster growling is heard) Apple: Oh! What's that? Marshmallow: It's the big rock candy monster. He's been trying to destroy Marshmalia for centuries. Orange: Who could possibly want to do anything but hug this magical place? Marshmallow: The big rock candy monster's jealous. See, a long time ago, the main ingredient in s'mores was rock candy. (a camper eats a s'more with rock candy, but when he took a bite, he was unpleased and screamed) Marshmallow: People thought campfire desserts were ruined. Then marshmallows stepped in and saved the day. (a different camper eats the s'more and is pleased and winks) Marshmallow: The market for rock candy was decimated. The big rock candy monster blamed my people and vowed revenge. But he's yet to succeed. Orange: Maybe he's just too sweet… 'cause he's candy. (laughs) (Passion Fruit groans) Marshmallow: He can't destroy Marshmalia because marshmallows have the gooey power of love on our sides, and love always wins. Yay! Orange: See, Apple? Be more like that and people might like you. Apple: Yeah, okay, I'll do that. (a unicorn takes a bite of Apple) Apple: Give it back, jerk! King Marshmallow: Be prepared for anything. I saw the alien ship land right around here. Winky? Marshmallow: Father! King Marshmallow: My child has returned. It's a miracle. A sign from the great marshmallow in the sky. Orange: Actually, it's on account of some evil space vegetables. But close. King Marshmallow: So, think you can hang for a minute? Orange: At least till our ship is repaired. King Marshmallow: Peabo, Freundlich, Hector, alert the others. To celebrate my child's highly coincidental return to his homeland, and to welcome his friends, we shall hold a three-day feast in their honor. Marshmallows: Yay! Nerville: Good, 'cause that's exactly how long it's going to take for me to stitch these lanyards back into the mainframe. Oh, hey, could you get me some buffet while you're out there? Thanks. Unknown Signer: All the shorties in the club, let me see you just back it up, drop it down, let me see you just… Unicorn Princess DJ Buttercup: Word up, Marshmalia. We gonna funk it up tonight, and then tomorrow and also the next day 'cause a three-day festival is how we do! (the fruits and the marshmallows all dance and have fun, two marshmallows jump on Grapefruit) Grapefruit: I'm warning you guys, cut it out. Pear: You guys really do it up right. Passion Fruit: This is amazing, King Marshmallow. King Marshmallow: We do like to get our party on. Orange: Hey, Marshmallow, why'd you ever leave this magical place? Marshmallow: Oh, I had to go. Orange: Because you killed a man? Marshmallow: (giggling) No. I had to follow my dream of becoming an actor on a Web-based Internet comedy series. Orange: (laughs) Good luck with that. (a marshmallow is on fire and passes by) King Marshmallow: What the…? What joker brought fire to a marshmallow party? Big Rock Candy Monster: This joker! (the big rock candy monster shows up ready to fight) Marshmallow: It's the big rock candy monster! Yay! Big Rock Candy Monster: Not yay! Boo! Boo! I'm mean! (the big rock candy monster breathes fire burning three marshmallow warriors) Big Rock Candy Monster: I love the smell of burning gelatine in the morning. (evil laughing) Orange: Okay, first of all, it's not morning. And second, for a candy monster, you're not sweet at all. Passion Fruit: He's awful. Marshmallow Warrior: (laughs) Our heads our hot! Big Rock Candy Monster: Stop enjoying your own demise! King Marshmallow: That's how we do! Marshmallows, to your battle stations. (the marshmallow warriors and the big rock candy monster fight) Pear: Jelly cannons? Marshmallow: We're all peaceful people. Yay! (the marshmallow warriors are getting defeated by the big rock candy monster) Orange: Guys, we should help. Set blasters to "candy." Grapefruit: Yeah, let's light up that dream killer. Passion Fruit: Captain, we can't. We're on a peaceful mission, remember? Pear: She's right. Intergalactic law doesn't allow us to interfere with regional conflicts. Orange: Dang it! Oh, well, I guess we'll just sit back and enjoy the show. (the battle does not look well for the marshmallow warriors) Marshmallow: Father, we're taking heavy casualties. Shall we send in reinforcements? Yay! King Marshmallow: There aren't any, Winky. Things have changed since you left. The candy monster has destroyed most of our villages, townships, suburbs, and even that sad little trailer park out by Caramel Lake. (the sign that spells "Caramel Lake Trailer Park" falls down) King Marshmallow: We can't hold him off much longer. Soon, all of Marshmalia will be gone, I fear. But we're gonna party until the end 'cause that's how we do. Marshmallow: It's how we do! Marshmallow Warrior: It's how we dooooo! King Marshmallow: DJ Princess Buttercup, kick out the end-of-the-world jams! Unicorn Princess DJ Buttercup: Don't mind if I do! Big Rock Candy Monster: (evil laughing) Soon, I shall destroy the last of you. And then rock candy will become the main ingredient in s'mores and other marshmallow-based desserts, like marshmallow cookie pies and… some other things. Orange: Thanks for laying out your entire plan! Big Rock Candy Monster: I said that out loud? Shoot! It's a terrible affectation. Orange: Maybe we can help you guys. Apple: We can't. Intergalactic law says… Orange: Apple, you're past your "sell by" date. Pear, Passion, check the Intergalactic bylaws for a work-around. Passion Fruit: The only way we can interfere in regional affairs is if one of our crew is harmed in the conflict. (Apple is destroyed in an explosion) Orange: Well, that's good enough for me. Now, fire! (the fruit fires their blasters at the big rock candy monster, but they have no effect) Grapefruit: Captain, our weapons are useless. They're bouncing off his skin. It's like a reflective surface! Big Rock Candy Monster: (laughter) Your pathetic laser weapons can't defeat me, unless they could heat my body to a consistent temperature and boil me down to liquid sugar, which they can't. Dah! Oh! I siad it out loud again! Orange: Guys, I've got a crazy plan. Marshmallow, what's the boiling point of caramel? Marshmallow: Really hot! Orange: Midget Apple, can you swim? Midget Apple: Little Apple can bob. (the fruit retreat to the spaceship and the big rock candy monster is near Caramel Lake) Orange: Okay, Bob, get swimming. (laughs) (Nerville tosses Midget Apple into Caramel Lake with a long rope) Orange: Hey, candy man, here's a little peace offering. Come and get it! (Big Rock Candy Monster goes into Caramel Lake while Midget Apple panics) Orange: Now! (Nerville pulls Midget Apple to safety) Big Rock Candy Monster: What the…? I'm stuck! Did I say that out loud? Orange: Yeah, you kind of did. (the fruit fires their lasers at the caramel accelarating the tempature) Big Rock Candy Monster: Boiling caramel! Oh, that will melt me to a sugary morass! Dah! There I go, giving away my secrets again! Orange: Hey, hey, Big Rock Candy Monster, you're cooked. (laughs) (Big Rock Candy Monster sinks into the caramel and the marshmallows thank the fruit for saving them) King Marshmallow: I can't thank you fruits enough for saving our world from that horrible monster. Orange: No problem, your Kingship. Glad to help sweeten things up. (laughs) Marshmallow: So long, Father. See you next time we happen to crash-land here. Yay! King Marshmallow: Will do, Winky. Yay! Orange: Nerville, we good to go? Nerville: Yeah, mon, we be ready, mon. King Marshmallow: Thanks, Captain Orange. (King Marshmallow is beamed outside, the fruits spaceship takes off and accidentally burns the remaining marshmallow warriors and King Marshmallow) King Marshmallow: Unicorn Princess DJ Buttercup, play these fruit heroes out with some crunchy beats! Yes! Unicorn Princess DJ Buttercup: That is how I do! (his horn falls off and the marshmallows are still cheering while the screen shows the sky) Category:Transcript